Friday, June 15, 2012

Learning to be Selfish


I've been a terrible blogger lately.  My poor neglected blog has been collecting dust as I remind myself to check in a couple times a week just to make sure it hasn't been hijacked by trolls.  Once a week or so I've been able to string a few words together and call them a blog post, but any regularity I once managed to maintain has disintegrated, and I fearfully wonder if those trolls have kidnapped my creativity as well.


"I'm too busy" and "I'm too tired" are my standard excuses for just about everything these days, including my skipped workouts, my dependence on Kraft macaroni and cheese, and my blog absence.  But those are really just cop outs.  I'm not too busy, and I'm not too tired.  The simple truth is that I'm learning to be selfish.



As mil spouses we all seem to have this ridiculous tendency to think we can do it all, and I'm no exception.  My husband is gone.  He missed the last 2 weeks of school, the last 2 weeks of baseball/t-ball season, and that crazy mixture of stress and excitement that goes along with the start of summer vacation.  It sucks doing it all without a partner.  But sometimes we have to take a step back and realize we don't have to do it all.



Normally, I would put my children to bed after another long day and then park myself at the computer to compose a blog post or at the very least return the long list of emails I've been ignoring.  But for the past few weeks, I've chosen not to.  I've chosen to chat with friends on Facebook or read a book or watch bad television.  I've chosen to put off folding laundry or bathing the dog or finding a place in my attic for my classroom materials I cleared out at school.  I've chosen to be selfish.



At some point, I do need to clean my house and empty the dishwasher and write a blog post or two.  Now that school is out for the summer, I don't have to use the excuses that I'm too busy or too tired to do what needs to be done.  But during the past few weeks, while I was stressing over the speech I had to give at my kindergarten graduation and frantically stopping at the store before the last day of school because I forgot to buy presents for Little C's teachers and tearing my house apart to find a hidden t-ball hat for the last game, I enjoyed allowing all those other less urgent things to wait until I was ready to give them attention.  I enjoyed giving myself permission to sip on a glass of wine while giggling with my best friend on the phone.  I enjoyed the realization that I don't have to do it all.  I enjoyed being selfish.



How do you allow yourself to be selfish every now and then?



12 comments:

  1. I put my kids in daycare and sit by the pool and read. Yea, I am the stay at home mom that uses daycare to watch bad TV and have lunch dates with friends. But... it keeps me grounded and sane :).

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  2. You know, being selfish sounds like a wonderful thing right now!

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  3. There is nothing wrong with being selfish! Every woman needs a break.

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  4. I use my mom as a babysitter on the weekends! And I also get my husband involved when he's off. I wouldn't call what I'm doing selfish, it's really all about survival!

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  5. I didn't learn to be selfish until I was really mistreated in a young relationship. My mom told me that I can't wait on anyone to put me first, I have to do it myself. After that, I started enjoying things like making sure I set time aside to read every night, go out and get something good treats to eat sometimes if I wanted, or going to get a full body massage. It's the little things. :)

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  6. I've learned to do this lately too. It's so nice to no that we don't have to put that much pressure on ourselves, and that noone else puts it on us either. The house gets messier, the laundry doesn't get done for a few more days, the kids eat chicken nuggets for dinner...It's really not as big a deal as we make it out to be. I'm just two months into this blog thing and am already finding that I get overwhelmed by finding time to write and keep up with everyone else's blogs. But I keep telling myself to write because I want to, not because I have to. When the time is right, you will find it in your heart to write. Sometimes the best thing we can do as writers is sit back and wait for inspiration to come to us. If we try to force it, the quality of our work will suffer. You are doing great!

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  7. New to being a military spouse, I've truly learned what doing it all alone and doing everything means. Now I suppose I need to learn to be more selfish. The long bath and book helped immensely today.

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  8. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish!! You deserve time for yourself.

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  9. Amen Sister!!! You deserve it!! Enjoy it!! I think we women set ourselves up for failure when we try to do everything. When the hubby is gone self-care is even more important. So enjoy your wine!

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  10. Also I just wanted to let you know I nominated your blog for the "one lovely blog award."

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  11. I have to admit, while my hubs was gone for a few weeks on diver's training, I spent rarely a moment on things around the house that needed to be done. I spend more time with the kids (like being outside in the beautiful SoCal weather), watching movies with them, helping them with learning games on the computer, and of course, getting plenty of sewing finished. (If I can, I will sew all day, my employment be damned.....)
    Though the moment he returned, it was back to business. But that was okay. I got my me-time in. Sometimes we need that or we start slipping into crazytown.

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  12. Good for you! Blogging has become a bit of an issue for me and I find myself struggling to write lately. It used to be fun but sometimes it feels like a chore.

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