As a teacher, I see all sorts of parents as they interact with their children. And lately, I've seen more than my fair share of helicopter parents. I see parents overpraising their children for tasks they should be doing anyway. I see parents give in to the demands of their children even when those demands are unreasonable. I see parents baby their children instead of encouraging independence. And worst of all, I see parents making excuses for their children's behavior.
Example...
Last week I gave my students a timed math assignment with addition problems. Nothing too difficult, nothing they haven't been practicing for months. Most of my students sailed through it with flying colors, but like most classes, there will always be the few who struggle. One child in particular answered only 1 out of 20 correctly.
The next day there was a note from the child's mother in her folder. "My daughter was very upset about the test you gave. She said that your instructions were to add 1 to everything. So she did, and if you notice she answered them all correctly when adding one to the last number of each problem." There was more, and I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist. This mother was trying to tell me that I should have given her daughter a perfect score because she was following the directions she thought she heard. I'm sorry, but 6 + 2 does not equal 3. There's no room for interpretation. It's just wrong.
This note saddened me because not only was a parent making excuses for her child, but this parent also happens to be a teacher herself. She should know better. But what really got my blood boiling was what this student said to me when I called her up to my desk for our daily reading. She asked if I read her mother's note, and I said yes. Then she said, "My mom said I got them all right."
WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING YOUR CHILD?
You're teaching her that, instead of practicing a skill in order to improve for next time, she can grasp onto a false sense of success and ignore the problem.
You're teaching her that her side of the story is correct, regardless of whether or not she misheard or misunderstood directions.
You're teaching her that every time she fails at something, mommy will skew the facts in order to avoid letting her experience failure and disappointment.
You're teaching her that it's not ok to fail every now and then, that perfection is the desired goal.
You're teaching her that every time she gets upset, mommy will step in and fix it.
Another example. I watched a parent rock her 6-year-old son like a baby for 20 minutes in the school office after he got into so much trouble she had to come and pick him up. Even worse, instead of reprimanding him, she said (loudly enough for everyone in the office to hear): "I know son, I don't like that rule either but they won't change it."
WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING YOUR CHILD?
You're teaching him that he can make up his own rules if he doesn't like other people's rules.
You're teaching him that he will get hugs and kisses as a reward for getting into trouble at school.
You're teaching him that he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions.
You're teaching him that mommy is always going to defend him regardless of what he does.
I just can't wrap my head around these parents. In my opinion, being a helicopter parent does nothing but set children up for failure and teach them to be selfish and needy. It's not teaching them to be self-sufficient, independent, confident, responsible human beings who can make their own decisions and be accountable for those decisions. Isn't that what we want for our children?
I'm far from the perfect parent. I don't know all the answers. I make a lot of mistakes. And I'm sure there are aspects of my parenting style that others would criticize. But my children know it's ok
not to be perfect. They know if they get in trouble at school, they'll be in trouble at home. They know that it's their responsibility to clean their rooms, and when those rooms are clean, a statue will not be erected in their honor. They know they will not get a toy every time we go to Wal-Mart. They know it's just as important for them to feel proud of
themselves for an accomplishment as it is for me to be proud of them. They know what the word independent means. And most importantly, they know I will always be there for them regardless of whether or not I'm hovering over them.
{{{Thank you. I will now step off my soapbox.}}}
Do you think you're a helicopter parent? Do you know any helicopter parents? How do you feel about helicopter parenting?
